she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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