apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
