i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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