I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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