As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
