can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
