I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
