she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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