so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
