We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Randomize
