I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
