I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
