i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
