Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
