He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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