I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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