actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
