he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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