hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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