as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
