): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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