Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
