Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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