god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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