this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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