are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
