Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
