Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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