I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
