Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
