dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
