I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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