somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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