Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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