Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
