before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Vodka?
Forever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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