omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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