was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
