Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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