the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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