She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
