Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
