nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
how drunk are you?
Several
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
