Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
