i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
