Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
