there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
