why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
