I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
