Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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