I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
