Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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